GodhelpED's Xanga

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 03:35:04 GMT

1-7.4 - 6am

Intake:
I'm hoping for nothing... and of course got freaking everything.
Such a fat fat fat fat fat fat FAT idiot.

Outtake:
1hr Turbo Kick
Maybe something else. Hopefully. Because I'm a lazy fat person and need to.

And of course.
I didn't.

Fatty. Fatty McFatFat.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 05:06:58 GMT

I don't know what the hell to do.

I am so huge, and it's getting more and more overwhelmingly disgusting and annoying. I hate this.
I hate what I look and feel like.
I'm so disgusted.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:25:57 GMT

1-6.0 - 9am

Wow. From 1#7 back up to 1-6. Good job. -_-

Ridiculous.

Going to start looking and applying more today, just praying some things fall into place to take next steps. Have jury duty call tomorrow - just praying I don't get called to serve the jury this time. And I need to get my smog check for my car taken care of, and make sure I pull the money out for my ticket so I don't think I have it anymore when it comes due in May.

Hoping that some friends from church are able to help me learn Quickbooks well enough over the next two weeks... I'll be calling on Wednesday to see if its a possibility... also praying hard that can work out quickly too.

Don't know what to do about the mission trip again, still.

Just trying to stay semi-positive and just move forward whatever step is next...

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 17:42:06 GMT

1-3.7 - 9am

Intake:
140g Blackberries - 60
101g Banana - 90
TOTAL - 150

Outtake:
1hr Zumba
1hr Power Barre
(maybe) 1 hr Hip Hop

So.... tax season ended on Monday. Had Tuesday off of work, just got stuff done, enjoyed the day, and went to dance. Came in to work yesterday at 10... and my boss is here. Small talk - then - I'm laid off. I'm finishing through the end of April; to help organize and move the office up the street to a different commercial building. But as of May 1st - I am now without a job.

Didn't see this coming.

I left work right after; went to church and talked to one of my moms; we went to lunch at Panera. Then I went and picked up my new flatiron from my hairstylist friend, chat with her for a few minutes to talk about her son's surgery Monday and that I was laid off. Then went home, took a nap, ate a salad, and went to dance class for the evening.

Now at work today, cleaning up things and boxing stuff to be able to move easier. Am hoping to fix my resume while I'm here, and maybe apply to some jobs I noticed on Craigslist last night. Also going to hopefully look into typing up my support letters for the mission trip I was supposed to be taking on June 28-July 9... maybe print them up on Monday if possible. Still needing to pray about that and just trust that hopefully it will work out.

I'm clearly struggling today with it; not very energetic nor... whatever I should be. Not depressed I don't think; but I'm definitely not happy and struggling more with doubt and such. Understandable; but still.

Sigh.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:34:06 GMT

1-6.5 - 7am

Oy. This is so ridiculous.

Just ridiculous.

Random; but tuesday in jazz class - I had an overwhelming frustration I wanted to cut through.... what the heck? Luckily, I was in the middle of class for another 30 minutes, and didn't have an blades with me anyway - but still. I haven't had such an "I am so angry/frustrated/sad I need to cut" feeling in a good while. It's been about a year and a half since the last time I cut (yay) so this was weird, and semi-saddening.

Too much food still, too much work, not enough exercise. I'm so looking forward to tuesday... and just tuesday-saturday next week blasting out the gym and the dance studio and being around classes and moving again... when I do I naturally eat better... not this half good things; half crap....

ugh.

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:37:20 GMT

Starting Weight (Not sure) but I'm guessing 1-9.0 or 1#0. :(

Intake:
Banana - 115
Light Raspberry Yogurt - 90
TOTAL - 205

Outtake: (Here's to hoping I get there on time after work....)
1hr 15min Modern
1hr 15min Jazz

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 01:05:10 GMT

Oh hell.

I'm almost back to where I was completely.
This crap of eating badly and not dancing everyday is horrid.

The cute dresses I bought even just three-four weeks ago now don't fit over my annoyingly buxom chest.
-_-

I am just waiting until Monday. Then it's my last week for tax season. And I am back to being able to work less and get to the studio or the gym every single day.
I need to be 20 lbs less again. I felt better in January. I looked better in January. Everything is so huge and fluffy and puffy and disgusting.
Ugh.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 20:37:13 GMT

I don't even know what I weigh. I'm so disappointed.

I'm so huge.

But I am starting to feel a bit better.

I can swallow and breathe without pain in my throat or ears; its just getting my nose and sinuses to stay open. There are times when my nose clears and it's fabulous, times when it closes and drips and is so frustrating. That and the headaches are a pain. But, I should be ok for rehearsal tomorrow and as long as I still rest and sleep tonight, and stay ok tomorrow, I should be fine for Easter.

I just wish I hadn't gotten sick and stopped losing and re-gaining weight.

Ugh.

No good food today, just 770 calories of crap thus far. I'm just hoping I get things taken care of, stay as healthy as possible and don't look too fat and bloated and puffy.

I'm sick of this.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 18:20:11 GMT

1-4 - 9am

UGH. SICK AGAIN, WHAT THE HECK?

Eaten too much yesterday, clearly no gym. No energy, coughing, sore throat, ears, itchy alleriges in nose.

Got to the doctor this morning at least and got amoxicillin, so started that. Just praying I start feeling better. If possible; at least a good gym session each on thursday, friday and saturday might make it still decent on Sunday. Maybe not a good weight; but I might at least feel ok.

That and I have got to be able to sing by saturday. this whole voice and throat and nose crap has got to start getting better, i'm leading songs on sunday and I can't have this happening.

super super frustrated.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 18:39:47 GMT

1-1.3 - 7a

Intake:
Fiber1 Bar - 90
Fiber1 Brownie - 90
Strawberry Cottage Doubles - 100
Substyle Sandwich (with mayonaise :( boo) - 1000?
Mini Lemon Cupcake - 150
Regular DulcedeLeche Cupcake - 400
Regular PB Choc. Cupcake - 500
TOTAL - 2330

Aaaannnnnd who's getting sick again? Me. Well, either sick or some pretty severe allergies. And I can't afford it this week at all. A) I need to work all day everyday, B) I need to workout and C) I have to be singing for Easter on Saturday and Sunday, a messed up throat and left ear just aren't going to cut this.

NO idea yet on intake

I'm at work until 8:30p today, praying my resolve to go to the gym for an hour stays true and I go after work anyway... sigh.